When I was 12 years old, the entire ensemble of my female classmates sat me down during recess and unanimously rejected me as a friend.
I had always known that I wasn’t the most popular girl in class. But in that very moment I became an exile. Persona non grata. Outcast, unwanted, unacceptable. And the reason they gave was simple.
I was too arrogant. Thought I was better than they were. Looked down on them.
Which left me puzzled, shocked and confused. All my life I had struggled with low self-worth, considered myself inferior to others. Irrelevant, not good enough. A lesser human being.
How could anybody believe I was arrogant? How could I look down on others from my lowly position amidst a world of superiors?
For years, the accusation haunted me. Stopped me from increasing my self-worth and improving my confidence. For fear I would be rejected once more for my alleged arrogance.
And still sometimes today, when I feel particularly good about myself, I tend to caution myself not to show it. I conceal the fact that I feel worthy, strong and confident. So, I won’t appear arrogant.
Because I suspect that, all those years ago, my classmates’ charges might have been justified.Read more