For most of my life, I felt not good enough, inferior to others. And I believed that I couldn’t have what I truly desired because of it.
I yearned for a life of purpose and adventure, for excitement and extraordinary experiences. But I didn’t think I was special or brave enough.
I wanted to become a fiction writer since I was 8 years old. But I didn’t feel talented, creative or eloquent enough.
I ached to express my true Self and claim my place in this world, to just be me without apologies, doubts or fears. But I was never confident enough to pull it off, always too worried what other people would think of me.
I never felt important enough to amount to much in work and life. And I believed I was not tall or slender enough to feel good in my own body.
My entire life, I barely scraped the surface of my potential. I rarely allowed myself to shine or be me. And I always quit my dreams before I even gave them a try.
Because I thought that dreams were not for people like me. They were for better people.
And, because of that, I believed that I had to become better to finally deserve the things I desired. I obsessed about proving my worth, worked myself into the ground, adapted, distorted, exaggerated to become more special, more relevant.
But no matter what I achieved, how much I bent and faked, sacrificed myself to the obsessive pursuit of becoming a better version of myself, still I never felt good enough.
And for a long time, I resented myself for this inability to measure up. I beat myself up for being such a failure.
When it wasn’t my fault at all.Read more