When I was at the height of my anxiety, life was a threat. And it didn't only seem this way. It was!
Every letter in my post box was bad news. Every train I took broke down or was delayed. Every electrical appliance I bought was faulty. And I would catch every cold that went around.
I felt stressed, terrified and victimised. Everything I touched was destined to go wrong, turn into a catastrophe or make me unhappy.
And I couldn't help but ask myself "Why does the Universe hate me?"
Until I started to watch "The Big Bang Theory" and I realised that the Universe doesn't hate anybody! The problem is merely that the Universe behaves like Sheldon Cooper.
Sheldon Cooper lacks any social skills, is incredibly direct and blunt and, despite his super-human intelligence, is totally naive.
In particular, he has no sense for sarcasm or cynicism. He believes what people tell him. Without questioning, without looking for a deeper meaning, hidden agenda or alternative interpretation.
And the Universe is exactly the same. Which is one of the biggest stumbling blocks in our pursuit of happiness.
You see, the Universe loves us, unconditionally. It is devoted to all its creations and its only wish, purpose and mission is to give us everything we ask for. Everything we want.
And that's the massive problem we face.
Because, while we may know what we want, low self-worth sabotages our efforts to manifest our dreams and desires. Due to a catastrophic miscommunication with the Universe.
You see, if we lack self-worth, we don't believe that we deserve happiness, a stress-free life, abundance. We feel unworthy of loving relationships or a thriving career.
We beat ourselves up, say things like "I am useless. No wonder I never get what I want. I don't deserve it. I am just too pathetic," or "Every train I ever take is delayed. I am cursed."
And the Universe listens. But it doesn't look for a deeper meaning. It cannot understand that your anxiety disorder, self-loathing or chronic negativity are mere symptoms of low self-worth.
All it hears is "never get what I want" or "train always delayed".
And it believes that this is your deepest wish. Because you focus on it intensely. And because the Universe loves you so much, it gives you what you want.
Naively, literally, without judgement or further interpretation.
It provides you with more situations that make you feel useless, prove that you never get what you want and reinforce your core beliefs. And it will gift you with more train delays (and even a few cancellations here and there).
Not because it is cruel.
Simply because it wants to fulfill your deepest desires, the things your mind revolves around day in, day out. And it has no sense of negativity, sarcasm or self-condemnation.
It just wants to help.
And that's why positivity, self-love and healthy self-worth are imperative if you want to get what you want. Because once you are certain that you deserve them, the Universe can provide loving relationships, worry-free finances, fulfilment and purpose.
Once you know that you ARE worth personified, regardless of your relationship status, career progression, financial situation or physical appearance, the Universe can grant your deepest desires.
Because they are no longer obscured by your habitual negativity, fear and self-punishment. And self-sabotage no longer destroys your efforts to manifest your dream life.
So read Part 2: 5 empowering steps to overcome self-sabotage to finally get what you want (and deserve).
Because you ARE worth.
Dr Berni Sewell, PhD is a health scientist, energy healer and self-worth blogger. She is on a mission to make you feel good about yourself, no matter what. Download her free guide Instant self-worth: an easy 4-step solution to heal your self-worth in under 5 minutes a day” and start to boost your confidence today.